The drunken master of insecurity [FLASH FICTION]

She felt like an imposter… ‘Who do I think I am, calling myself a writer?’ Where’s the deal, the positive acclaim, cosy interviews on TV sofas headphones on, waiting in radio studios for the ‘on air’ button to glow red? This is my life! she whispered to herself through frustrated tears.

Her life story was similar to many others: the longing, the personal and financial struggles and finally  – the success! It’s so funny, she grinned – flirting with everyone in the studio – achieving your big writing break when you’re in your fifth decade…flutter, twinkle, wink. Everyone in the studio laughed along with her, but thought to themselves, ‘It won’t take me that long to get to the top of my game!’

Her gloomy thoughts reflected the sky-full of rain, after a string of sunny days. This mood will pass, she thought, closing her eyes in mini-meditation. I will poke my head through this web of despair, but today is a wallow sort of day.  Eyeing her white bookshelves groaning with self-help books, she acknowledged the wisdom of surrender to the drunken master of insecurity. She smiled at this, reminding herself these funks were transitory and usually  followed by periods of frenzied activity, globs of creativity and furious connecting with fellow travellers on the creative road.

The room was quiet, as her eyes moved from the bookshelves to the window, and rested on a smudge of yellow emerging from the grey clouds. The soft yellow grew brighter, shining directly onto the rage and beauty of her core.

© Sukie Rose

If you’re a writer, or any sort of creative, can you relate to this post? Let me know! We’re in this crazy game together. How do you get yourself out of the doldrums and back on your energizing game?

Interview with Suzy Rowland

Suzy enchants the assembled!

Q. Tell us a bit about your background

A. I was born and brought up in the Midlands, with my mother, a teacher. She was also an eternal student and loved to read – she studied English literature for her first degree and there was lots of Chaucer, Shakespeare, William Blake and or course Shakespeare lying around. She whetted my younger poetic appetite by encouraging me to read Christina Rossetti who I loved. We identified strongly with our Caribbean heritage and loved John Agard, Maya Angelou, Benjamin Zephaniah – all of whom we saw! Before I went to University, I worked at my local radio station Radio WM and also for the Caribbean Times as a junior reporter – the writing bug started early!

Q. Tell us about about how you came to write Songs of My Soul

A. It’s a culmination of a few year’s work – I had so written so much material it seemed a pity to leave it all in folders on my computer or dotted around on various blog posts. I really wanted to put it all together as a collection and due to personal circumstances, I had the time to do this, and most importantly the will. Shaping the book was a really cathartic and creative experience; the book is themed into three sections – Discovery, Holy Fire and Resurrection-  which I think enables readers to dip in and out of according to their mood.

Songs of My Soul launch – interview with Suzy Rowland

Q. What is Songs of My Soul about?

A. It’s a personal reflection on life with universal themes – parenting, love, passion, grief, loss. These are themes that everyone can relate to – there is a ‘song’ in the book for everyone. The reaction has been so positive – it’s brilliant to create a body of work that potentially everyone can relate to.

Q. You painted the cover of Songs of My Soul – can we expect any more paintings from you?

A. I’m a writer first and foremost and although I loved the painting experience, words are my first love. I did have a vey clear picture of what I wanted the cover to look like, a representation of a spiritual, calming place and universal landscape we can all relate to. I love the colours of dawn, when the world is just waking up so I tried to capture this on the canvas.

Q. So, the book is published now, what’s next for you?

A. I would like to make a donation to the National Autistic Society with proceeds from the book sales, it’s a charity that’s very important to me. I have a figure in mind and once I get there I will let people know as this will have been a real joint effort. There has been such positive interest in the book, that I will continue being a poet. Observing life and people and capturing it – I have also written a few short stories and will be developing these. I will continue to develop my craft, I’m a bit like my mother in that way – there is always something new to learn, another experience to write about. I’m very excited about sharing my words – I believe it’s what I was put on this planet to do.